Persuasive Writing-Why Should We Fix Our Field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix Our Field
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly believe that our field should be fixed now and farst! These are the reasons why we need our field. We have tournaments that we need to train for, our equipment is going to waste while the field is out of bounds, our field takes up a lot of space and now there is less space to play games, and with our field out of bounds we are losing equipment over the fence. For these reasons our field needs to be fixed.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, we need our field to train for sport like soccer, rippa rugby and lots of other sport. We need to train for our sport so that we can get better and learn more, and with out the field it is hard for us to train for our hakinakina. We have to train for our sport on the concrete because our field is out of bounds.
	Secondly, we need to make use of our sports equipment which cost a lot of money and is now going to waste. Most of our sport equipment is more fun to play on the field but there is no field to use that equipment. We won’t the field so that we can play with the hakinakina equipment.
	Thirdly, our field takes up a lot of our space to play and without a field there is less space to play games. The school is overcrowded with only the court area to play games like soccer and lots more. We want our field back and we want it now!
	Finally, with the field out of bounds, we are losing our equipment over the maihe, and the teachers are the only people who can get them. We have to wait for ages to get the teachers and for them to get the equipment back over the fence.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to fix our whira because we need the field for training for our sport, our sport equipment is out of use because the field is out of           bonds, we don’t have enough room to play, we keep on losing our equipment over the fence and onto the field. It is vital that we need a pai whira for our school!