This term we have been doing narrative story writing. Here is a story I made about a robot.
Narrative Writing Term 3 2017
Click on the link below to watch the story starter for this week.
Story Starter = Runaway Robot Rampage
Your Name: Grace
Story starter: Every weekend there was one job Molly hated doing: mowing the lawns. She'd much rather be building her latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Molly could build a robot to mow the lawns?
WALT: write a narrative that entertains or tells a story about people,places or events.
S.C:
Our Story will...
-have a title that captures our reader's interest
-Have an orientation/beginning that has a hook and establishes the setting and characters.
-Have a complication/problem that needs to be solved
-Have a conclusion where the problem is solved.
-Use interesting language, words, adjectives, language features such as similes, onomatopoeia
-plan our story so we know what to write about
-proof-read and edit
-make sure our sentences make sense
-use a range of punctuation
-Use some Te Reo Māori words
My goal is to use paragraphs and make my sentences make sense.
Planning
Title:
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Molly & Her Robot.
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Orientation/Beginning/Hook
Characters
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Every weekend there was one job Molly hated doing: feeding her pets. She'd much rather be building her latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Molly could build a robot to feed her pets?
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Complication/Problem
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Her robot malfunctions and wrecks the house. It puts turtle food in their food, and spills the dog food everywhere, and squirts the bunny milk everywhere. And the robot grabs Molly’s sacred Pounamu and berries it in the grass.
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Conclusion - How does the problem get solved?
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\She rebuilds the magnificence pet feeder and adjusted some things and it was back to normal. And luckily she finds her Sacred pounamu and it is not broken.
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Language
Simile (He was as tall as a giraffe/ She was like a wild, angry gorilla that had been released from its cage!)
Onomatopoeia(sound words)
Interesting Adjectives (describing words)
Te Reo Māori.
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The robot was as fast as lightning,
Bang, smash, crash.
Whero, Mā, Ponamu
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Write Your Story Here
Molly & Her Robot
Every weekend there was one job Molly hated doing: feeding her pets. She'd much rather be building her latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Molly could build a robot to feed her pets? After Molly had finished feeding the pets she headed straight for the shed! She found 2 old smoothy machines, 1 old computer, 2 big bits of metal, 2 metal grabbers, and 2 metal pips. She put them on her desk and went to the kitchen she got the 2 dog bowls, the 2 turtle cups, the 2 red hay boxes and the 2 bunny milk bottles. She went straight back to the garage with all the stuff she put them all together and this is what it looks like!
Front
Back
It took her all maruāpō (night) to build and the next ata (morning) she found herself lying on the garage floor, her mum came in with a hot chocolate and helped her up. Her mum saw her invention and said “my word how did you do that?” “Well I just got some stuff and put it all together” said Molly. Molly went to see her horse, turtle, bunny and two dogs. She got her invention and turned it on, she typed dogs in and it got the dog bowls out ready and they filled up with dog biscuits. IT WAS SO COOL!!!!!!! Then she went to the turtle tank typed in turtle and all of a sudden big robotic arms popped out, with the turtle food clinged to it, it tipped some turtle food out into the turtle tank. Then she went out to the lawn to feed the bunny, she typed in bunny another pair of arms popped out but this time with milk for the bunny. The bunny hopped over to the robot and drunk all the milk. Then she took the robot to the paddocks and typed in horse and it turned around and at the back there was hay in the big red buckets and the horse galloped to the robot. ‘This robot is amazing’ she kohuki (thought).
She took the robot back to the garage and went to the house, she had dinner and went to sleep, so did her parents. Why everyone was asleep the robot woke up, it wheeled into the house and had seen that nobody was there because he didn’t know that there was bedrooms, he got angry, his eyes turned red and he started to shake, he got his robotic arms out and started ripping the curtains down, he ripped all the curtains down in the living room and in the kitchen! He tipped the turtle food in their food, took the lids of the smoothie machine and started spinning around which made the dog biscuits go everywhere, squirted the bunny milk everywhere as well as all of that he tipped the hay out all over the carpet. Molly heard a loud bang and woke up straight away she went straight to the lounge to see what was going on. She seen the robot chucking some pillows around BANG SMASH! The robot faced the wall and wheeled straight through it, Molly ran to the shed got the rein for her horse and ran straight out to the paddock where her horse was, she was going to have to chase her robot!!
It has been an hour and I still haven’t found him she thought as she was riding her horse down the street. She looked down alleyways, down streets and even down driveways! She hoped that she would find her robot before dawn. Her parents would start to worry because she won’t be there. She saw something lurking in the shadows, IT WAS HER ROBOT!!!!!!! She started galloping on her horse and got a rope out of her jersey and chucked it around the robot and brought it back to her house. The next morning Molly heard fire sirens going she looked outside and seen that her neighbors house was on fire she ran to the garage and the robot wasn’t there she looked outside the window and seen that her robot was wheeling back towards the garage.
As soon as it got in Molly grabbed it and took it over to the desk, she turned it off and went inside to grab an old credit card. Molly went back and started working on the card. She wrote inside all this stuff, there is bedrooms and that is where we sleep, BE GOOD OR ELSE. (This would work because she made a little card that made the robot alive, so with the new card it can still be alive as well as being good). Two Days Later/ There was a fair on and Molly took her robot to it and she was in the parade and everyone brought their bunnies, dogs, horses, and even their turtles. At the end of the parade the robot fed everybody's pets, and the people loved it so much they gave Molly millions of dollars. Now everyone pays her $50 to feed their pets with her robot. She paid her neighbour enough money to fix their house and Molly, her sisters, her parents and her robot became rich!
How did you go? I did ok but I think I did better on my last one.
What do you think you did well? I think I did well on my punctuation.
What could you work on next time? Put some more maori words in my story.
Teacher Feedback:
Kia ora Grace
What a great story. I really liked the way you described what your robot was made out of and the picture you included.
I thought your story showed that you have a good imagination and you used some interesting language. I enjoyed imagining Molly chasing down her robot on her horse.
Keep working on having good punctuation and making sure that your story makes sense to the reader. It got a little bit confusing in the part with the credit card.
Well done for writing an entertaining story.
Ka pai tō mahi tuhituhi!
